Jeremy Ranch residents celebrate Coronavirus as Woodward shuts off lights

They thought it would never happen. In fact, all hope had been lost. Resident Jennifer Jones had commented on social media, “Our living room is forever going to be bathed in bright lights, and I wish there was a way to just block it all out. I wish our lord and savior would intercede.”

We’re not sure whether she intended her lord and savior to be Lucifer, but he seems to have heeded her call. This week, along with Deer Valley and Park City Mountain Resort, Woodward has shuttered its doors due to the novel Coronavirus. That includes its lights.

Woodward Park City General Manager, Shaydar Edelmann, issued a press release stating, “We thought we had tried to find a compromise with the people of Jeremy Ranch. We’d turn off the lights by 8 PM and still offer them a great recreational experience. Yet, they still had to get the Prince of Darkness involved. Sometimes you just can’t win.”

Now the lights are off indefinitely — awaiting the end of the Coronavirus pandemic. Should we find a cure, the lights will come back on. Should Satan win, the lights will likely be off forever.

Jennifer Jones says, after careful consideration, she is on the side of Satan.

About Carter Worthington 2 Articles
What I love best about Park City is that there are so many businesses that need publicity. It’s a great relationship. You pay me enough money and you never know when I might write a story on you.