In a groundbreaking development that has left sociologists scratching their beanies, a recent community survey revealed that Parkites are both blissfully content and deeply concerned about their town — at the exact same time.
The survey, conducted by the city’s Office of Civic Vibes (OCV), found that a whopping 91% of residents are “somewhat to extremely satisfied” with life in Park City, while simultaneously losing sleep over traffic, housing costs, and the looming threat of being mistaken for someone from Salt Lake.
“I love it here,” said 34-year-old trail runner Aspen Willow-Banks, who lives in a $3 million yurt. “Every morning I sip a turmeric cold brew while watching elk frolic in my backyard. But also, rent is insane and I think I saw four Teslas fight over one Wine Store parking spot yesterday. It’s stressful.”
City officials admitted the survey results were “confusing but on-brand.” “We’re dealing with what scientists call ‘affluenza paradox,’” explained City Manager Tyler Cranberry-Merlot. “It’s when people are so comfortable they have no idea what to complain about, so they just complain about everything.”
Top concerns included “traffic during Sundance,” “not enough organic pickleball courts,” and the ever-expanding population of mountain lions with a better work-life balance than most residents.
Editor’s Note: That sundance concern will be taking care of itself.
As for solutions, 78% of respondents suggested “more community engagement,” 22% demanded “teleportation tunnels,” and one particularly vocal local proposed seceding from Utah to form a sovereign skiocracy.
The city plans to release a follow-up survey next month to ask, “Wait, are you really okay?”